addiction

Today, well yesterday as of 2 and a half hours ago Marshall, my boyfriend of 2 years, and my best friend before that for 2 years moved to San Diego, I live in a small town outside of Las Vegas, so where he's moved is about a 6 hour drive from here
We've decided to go on a break until we are both done with school.
So in two more years we're planning on being together again.
Marriage? maybe...
Hopefully.
I just hate the fact that we can't go through these next two years together, helping eachother with all of the challenges we're going to face.
Now since he is gone I'm ridiculously depressed, understandably so, but I've been feinding for xanax, because when I have xanax I don't worry, or cry, or feel like crying every five minutes.
it's unhealthy for me to deal with stress this way.
I know it is but I just can't, no! I can!
But for some reason I am too lazy or weakminded to deal with my problems on my own.
I need this crutch,
this artificial happiness.
It really saddens me
I feel that my addiction to this pill will get worse because Marshall isn't here to keep me in check, or to keep an eye on me and to tell me when he thinks that I am going down a path that will lead me to rock bottom.
So I am addicted to xanax, and I am addicted to Marshall.
Atleast the happiness that I get from Marshall isn't artificial.
That happiness is genuine
the happiness of first love.
the happiness of memories that will never fade
the happiness of knowing somebody loves you as much as they love themselves.
the overwhelming feeling of someone else's happiness meaning as much to you as your own.